Being stuck in a Wicker Man
being stuck inside Britt Ekland

The Man with the Golden Penis
The woman with the Mercury vagina
living in the core of the sun
A properly made Gin and Tonic [lobotoblog comment : the referee let this one go as he quite simply had no time to react...]
butter fingers
Super adhesive goalie gloves
Berlin to Frankfurt Express [ouch!]
massive government investment in psychotherapy treatment for professional footballers, esp goalkeepers
crybaby americans
cheese eating surrender monkeys
Indiana jones’ host at the temple of doom [but not This chap]
A Cup of Tea
The milkman being involved in an horrific 40-car pile-up just outside your house
Princess Diana [see this video as to why]
MI6-trained greenfly hit squad
Spiderman
John Goodman
Heart coronary
This chap
the government minister about to announce legislation banning déjà vu from happening all over again getting eaten by a couple of tramps and his remains sold to a kebab van*
Worldwide chilli sauce shortage
Public use of police grade pepper spray on hot dogs
Gas Mask
The gas mask Bra
keeley hazell going bra shopping
Elena Marinova [oh my god]
Gravity
The Event Horizon
virtual particle pairs
engi mengi penga!*
Northern Leamington Spa
Asteroid Strike*
Massive underground bunker system
Walther PPK 7.65 mm pistol and some cyanide.
a full set of testicules
Football blatted at top speed

Titanium Cod Piece
Overfishing in the North Atlantic
hippy community on an island paradise [lobotoblog comment : what a gift of a set-up!]
discovering that said hippy community is in fact a bunch of pagans
Being stuck in a wicker man

Expert post-match analysis
A very strange game this one, and one that deserves some sort of analysis. All started very slowly with not much early excitement for the punters inside the packed stadium. We can see the usual blah blah blah predictable moves in the game opening (eg Britt Ekland) as the players were warming up and getting use to the somewhat slow pace.

All this was completely blown on its head when SS came in with an ingenious “Berlin to Frankfurt Express”. Shouts of “topicality foul!” or “too gruesome even for BG!” from other players were waved down by the referee. The crowd went wild. SS had brought the game right back to where it needed to be and from this point on it was all sweat, passion and pure BG technique to see who would be in the position to take the end game.

A possible over-use of trumps was ignored [or forgotten?] as now the game was alive and throbbing. An extremely rare use of the Double-return Heinrich Pullover was employed to great effect by SW [indeed, it had the entire stretford lane end stand reaching for their crotches] and then just a few turns later it was all over.
All in all a classic!