Bored shitless on the Eurostar, bit thirsty like. Chugging along, knees squashed up, dude next to you playing air drums like Keith Moon getting tangoed. Look outside… flat, flat, flat. The frigging low countries. Nothing for it… Carriage 7: One of your finest Dooovals please bilingual bartender.

A cheeky sesh, throat all croaky from the schmoke. You get drawn Standard Liege in the Waste Of Space Bumhola League. Eyes glaze over. Mulch over to the kitchenette. A sweet botle of Duuuvel, please Mr. Fridge.

A toast to a couple of Duvels, any more and you’re toast.

Flemish barmaids lactate it

Élégance, control,  passion.  Say no more and ask for no less. Just admire.

Trying to sling a pair of big hairy sweaty bags over your shoulder on your way to work every morning is courage enough. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

These days loads of people are asking us here at lobotoblog what the best of these 2 systems is. For some this is even a question of life or death. So we thought we’d run you through the merits of each and you can make your own minds up before you put it into practice.

442

442 is the equivalent of cellulite, it gives you extra fatness. If you have wings then you could even say that it gives you width. You’ve also got 2 up there to give you more of a battering ram. You need to be careful not to un-pack the middle too much as you might get flooded out.

433

Sounds nice, looks good, but its a load of crap and opens you up on the sides and leaves  your panties exposed. Only use this system if you think you are cool, or if you are Italian and very very on-the-backfoot

Other loboto systems

451 = really big buttocks but only 1 target up where you need it. Patience is the key here.

235 = scrawny thighs and a flappy arse, but cast your eyes up to the top deck and you’ll be overwhelmed by the view. If the Egyptians had made pyramids like this, they’d be bathing in Blatter milk, with World Cup cream all over them.

4231 = in 2d view its looks like an overweight bear,  but its useful for a quickie.

Total system = this is a mixture of everything and you are said to be so good at each that it doesnt matter, see below:

Venue: Western Europe (via the wide wib wob)
Participants:PE,SW,FL,JD,SS
Honorary Trump: Bob Geldof

A packet of Pacer Mints
Dodgy dentures:

A French Kiss
Henry V
A shortage of Yew [lobotoblog comment : simply ingenious - and here is why]
Industrial yield management* (of yew plantations…)
Agricultural workers strike
A barn dance
Spiked cider
Alcoholics Anonymous
Fight Club
Risperidone (antipsychotic)
A puncture on the way to the chemists
A stunt driver
The Stig
Government Legislation Banning Car TV Programmes*
Military coup*
Chuck Norris
Shoe laces tied together
The One Inch Punch :

No imperial measurement system
A committee of women to define distance perception on an emotional basis
Read the rest of this rubbish »

Sorts you right out

Makes you feel ‘appy for the rest of the day

Safe in the knowledge that

It ain’t no cum stain on your slacks, it’s porridge.

If we were all blown away in a nuclear holocaust and had to live in caves for 150 years before finally coming out, forced to live and survive once again as hunter-gatherers, the only thing that I would yearn for from “today’s world” would be a can of WD-40.

WD-40 is just amazing. It will fix and sort out anything : a creaky door handle, a rusty bike saddle, a blown turbo on yer Volkswagen TDI, a broken pot plant, lubrication on yer ball valve handle  sprinkler system, a nasty spillage on your wedding dress at J-20 minutes, your gran’s false teeth, etc.

You can even use it to treat minor ailments such as a sore throat, an in-growing toenail,  and (in some rare cases) chicken pox.

WD-40 = brilliant.