Being stuck in a Wicker Man
being stuck inside Britt Ekland

The Man with the Golden Penis
The woman with the Mercury vagina
living in the core of the sun
A properly made Gin and Tonic [lobotoblog comment : the referee let this one go as he quite simply had no time to react...]
butter fingers
Super adhesive goalie gloves
Berlin to Frankfurt Express [ouch!]
massive government investment in psychotherapy treatment for professional footballers, esp goalkeepers
crybaby americans
cheese eating surrender monkeys
Indiana jones’ host at the temple of doom [but not This chap]
A Cup of Tea
The milkman being involved in an horrific 40-car pile-up just outside your house
Princess Diana [see this video as to why]
MI6-trained greenfly hit squad
Spiderman
John Goodman
Heart coronary
This chap
the government minister about to announce legislation banning déjà vu from happening all over again getting eaten by a couple of tramps and his remains sold to a kebab van*
Worldwide chilli sauce shortage
Public use of police grade pepper spray on hot dogs
Gas Mask
The gas mask Bra
keeley hazell going bra shopping
Elena Marinova [oh my god]
Gravity
The Event Horizon
virtual particle pairs
engi mengi penga!*
Northern Leamington Spa
Asteroid Strike*
Massive underground bunker system
Walther PPK 7.65 mm pistol and some cyanide.
a full set of testicules
Football blatted at top speed

Titanium Cod Piece
Overfishing in the North Atlantic
hippy community on an island paradise [lobotoblog comment : what a gift of a set-up!]
discovering that said hippy community is in fact a bunch of pagans
Being stuck in a wicker man

Expert post-match analysis
A very strange game this one, and one that deserves some sort of analysis. All started very slowly with not much early excitement for the punters inside the packed stadium. We can see the usual blah blah blah predictable moves in the game opening (eg Britt Ekland) as the players were warming up and getting use to the somewhat slow pace.

All this was completely blown on its head when SS came in with an ingenious “Berlin to Frankfurt Express”. Shouts of “topicality foul!” or “too gruesome even for BG!” from other players were waved down by the referee. The crowd went wild. SS had brought the game right back to where it needed to be and from this point on it was all sweat, passion and pure BG technique to see who would be in the position to take the end game.

A possible over-use of trumps was ignored [or forgotten?] as now the game was alive and throbbing. An extremely rare use of the Double-return Heinrich Pullover was employed to great effect by SW [indeed, it had the entire stretford lane end stand reaching for their crotches] and then just a few turns later it was all over.
All in all a classic!

Venue: Telestadia

Participants: PE,SW,FL,JD,SS

Honorary Trump: Jennifer Love Hewitt [for obvious reasons]

hij heef een traptechniek à la bergkamp [lobotoblog comment : not an easy one to start with]
southern puftas
spiking a shandy
lead-lined stomach
colic
a good hammock drifting slowly to and fro in a gentle summer breeze
Hurricane Katrina
chinese weather manipulation missiles
strike by workers transporting rocket fuel [about the country]…
Margaret “God Bless her” Thatcher
an invasion of crows pecking out her corpse
bazooka
Israeli Coastguard
Ghost Whispering Cleavage * [lobotoblog comment : click here to see why this threw the game wide open and had all players reeling]
scopaesthesia
Naegleria fowleri
Fear of flying
Naively hitching a lift from Scaramanga [lobotoblog comment : one of the best ever moves in the history of the game?]

the Director’s Cut
packet of Silk Cut
A group of 12 year school kids behind the bike sheds
National legislation* requiring PhD level qualifications before you can play “doctor”
child geniuses with freaky big foreheads
A REALLY violent school bully
A sadistic headmaster and caning still legal
A copy of the yellow pages
scented toilet paper
industrial bidet
Shards of glass in the water [lobotoblog comment : oooooooh that's gotta hurt...]
anakin’s aneurysm
vodka in the eyeballs
Nuclear holocaust*
breakdown in causality physics

the AA
### GAME ABANDONED ###

photo credits

Ttttttttteeeedddddddddddddd Hankeyyyyyyyy!

Ted Hankey!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen: Ted Hankey!

Photo credit : PA Wire Sports Photos

Venue: Western Europe (via the wide wib wob)
Participants:PE,SW,FL,JD,SS
Honorary Trump: Bob Geldof

A packet of Pacer Mints
Dodgy dentures:

A French Kiss
Henry V
A shortage of Yew [lobotoblog comment : simply ingenious - and here is why]
Industrial yield management* (of yew plantations…)
Agricultural workers strike
A barn dance
Spiked cider
Alcoholics Anonymous
Fight Club
Risperidone (antipsychotic)
A puncture on the way to the chemists
A stunt driver
The Stig
Government Legislation Banning Car TV Programmes*
Military coup*
Chuck Norris
Shoe laces tied together
The One Inch Punch :

No imperial measurement system
A committee of women to define distance perception on an emotional basis
Read the rest of this rubbish »

Venue : unknown
Participants : unknown
*denotes trump

What the bleeding ell is this all about?

The Game That Never Got Played
This Game
The Bong
Bongmeister Billy McBaggy-Bong, 3rd Earl of Bong
Abolition of hereditary peerage
Richard Whiteley being Prime Minister
You therefore getting Richard’s old job on Countdown
Getting Peter Snow’s job
Monica Belucci being your housemaid*
Homelessness
Paul Young*
Zuccero
Pork Pies
Mike Gatting
Runjymimara
Bollocks*
Industrial sander [lobotoblog comment : oooooh, that's gotta hurt]
Balls of steel
Great balls of fire!
Inflammable piano
Liquid Nitrogen
Messing about with uranium in the lab
LSD
The Game That Never Got Played

Expert post-match analysis
This match deserves expert analysis because it was so unique. Never has a beating game been so short and so full of energy. If you paid money to watch this you would have been disappointed but if you were there playing it you would have loved every second of it. The reasons for this are obvious:  all players using their trumps very early on to force an early endgame; “Pork Pies” being played at just the right moment in the flux of the game; and a very rare use of the “double inverse cruickshank manoeuvre” by one of the players - can you guess where that was?

Whilst snooping around this avo lobotoblog came across this little gem. Below are 4 possible meanings of the word “Chobbster”. Can you guess which one is the right meaning?

Chobbster
A very fat policeman

Chobbster
A key eating lobster

Chobbster
A proper amount e.g. “that was a chobbster dump you just had, I ain’t going in there”

Chobbster
To score a goal or point in sport, named after the Taffy Legend Dai Thomas

Date, venue : unknown

Participants : unknown

*denotes trump

A day in Brockwell Park SW2
A day in a jacuzzi with 6 female Chinese actresses
Air being heavier than water
The Earth crashing into the Sun
God
Babelfish [lobotoblog analysis : this was accepted after a long debate, and to much merriment,etc]
Large amounts of ear wax
50 grams of semtex
Read the rest of this rubbish »

***GUEST ARTICLE FROM THE RIGHT HON. JD***

ENGI MENGI PENGA

(NB alternative spelling in certain regions : “Engi Mengi Pengar“)

One of our readers “RRR” gave us this great word Schmoozle.

Only RRR knows which one of the following 4 explanations is the right one. Can you guess which one it is?

Schmoozle
To get out of bed so slowly that you actually end up falling onto the floor.

Schmoozle
To kiss someone slowly and passionately, whilst paying particular attention to hand-placement on the other person’s body (usually hips, buttocks, chest area, etc).

Schmoozle
To be ripped-off by a 2nd hand car dealer, for example:
“How much did you pay for that rubbish?”
“25,000″
“Its a piece of junk for that price. He saw you coming.”
“Yeah, I’ve been schmoozled”

Schmoozle
The (unfortunate) act of sneezing whilst eating breakfast cereal.

Find out what the pie in the sky thinks

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